Kids and Animals
by Darkling
NB: this story has practically nothing to do with the first, best ending of Kana ~Little Sister~. However, that's not going to stop us forging ahead as if it does. Don't say you weren't warned...
Hi, I'm Yumi Kashima. You probably remember me from the popular bishoujo game, Kana Little Sister. I also played a major role in the recent Kana fanfic, New Blooms. Needless to say, I'm pretty cluey on all things Kana, so when Darkling asked me in to be the video documentarian on the set of his latest epic, Blinding White, I simply couldn't refuse the chance to see all my friends again. Well, that – and my rent was due.
Now, it might seem to you that everyone on the Kana set is one big happy family. And it's true. Well, except for her. But she gets hers in this fanfic... which is why I was only too happy to— Oh, Taka! Taka, not now, honey. I'm... I'm doing the voice-over, sweetie. Yes, yes, I know. I'm sorry. I had a headache last night. Maybe tonight, after work, yes. Now, come on... out of the booth. I— Eeeeeek! Watch those hands, mister! Yes, I love you too, honey. See you later...
Thank God he's gone. Honestly, if I'd known he had wandering hands like that when I started dating him in the last omake, I seriously would have—
Ahem. But we're not here to talk about that, are we? Please join me – Yumi Kashima, your host – as we take a no-holds-barred, access-all-areas journey into the making of... Blinding White!
Bastard. Grope me, will you? I've got tapes of you, Taka Todo. And— um, er... how do I turn this thing off? Oh, this button—?
With a burst of static, the screen suddenly brings up a picture of a ten-year-old girl, with deep violet eyes and long shiny black hair. A little caption appears at the bottom right of the screen: Sara Todo. Then it fades again.
"Um, I'm Sara Todo," Sara-chan says, in a slightly nervous tone. "I um... I play Sara-chan in the fanfic. I'm really happy that Darkling chose me to play the part. I've never acted before, but my mommy's had me in dance lessons since I was three..."
She jumps as a deafening bang echoes from the hospital room set behind her, where workmen are busy tearing down walls.
"What are they doing, Sara-chan?" Yumi's voice asks, from off-camera.
"Oh... them?" Sara-chan asks, still looking a bit scared. "They're just remodelling the set. There's not a lot of money for this fanfic, so Darkling says we have to re-use everything."
"I see. So, tell us a bit about working with the other cast members."
Sara-chan beams. "Rika-san is like a big sister to me."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes." Sara-chan's expression falters a bit. "She pulls my hair and orders me out of her dressing room."
"And what about Taka?"
"Taka...? Oh, you mean Otousan?"
"He, um... he makes you call him Otousan?"
"It's okay," Sara-chan hastens to clarify. "I don't mind."
"Hmmm..." Yumi doesn't quite sound convinced, but she moves on. "And Kana? What's it like working with her?"
"Kana-san?" Sara-chan asks, her brow wrinkling up prettily. "Well, she's awful ni—" She breaks off, giggling uncontrollably. "She's really ni—" She giggles harder, bringing her hands up to cover her face and squealing into them, embarrassed.
"You can't say it either, huh?" Yumi asks, sounding amused.
Sara-chan just shakes her head helplessly, still covering her face.
"And... action!"
"Otousan!" Sara-chan comes running into the room, but trips over a taped-down power cable and goes sprawling on her face. "Oof!"
"Cut!" The camera pans to find Darkling slumped in the director's chair, glaring dismally at the apartment set as two assistants help Sara-chan to her feet. "Kids," he mutters to himself, gloomily. "You couldn't have made them teenagers, could you? Nooooooo! You had to go cutesy. What a brilliant idea, Dark..."
"Rika-san!"
Bouncing up and down in a jarring, hand-held fashion, the camera runs up to a teenage girl wearing a middle school uniform. It trains itself on the girl's face as she turns around, blinking.
"Yumi-san?" she asks, confused, as another little caption fades up in the corner of the screen: Rika Todo.
"I... haven't been... able to... catch you... all week," Yumi's voice says, panting.
"Well, what do you expect?" Rika asks. "I'm the narrator, you know; it's only natural that Darkling'd keep me busy."
"In more ways than one?" Yumi asks, slyly. "We all know about Darkling's history with his leading ladies..."
"Humpf." Rika snorts, blowing a lock of hair out of her face. She thrusts her chest out towards the camera. "Apparently these don't even register on his radar. Too small, or something like that."
"I think they're quite nice," Yumi says, diplomatically.
Rika lowers her gaze, narrowing her eyes. "Was that all, Yumi-san?" she asks, lifting her eyes again.
"Would you tell us what it's like to work with Taka?"
A sardonic grin appears on Rika's face. "You're his girlfriend, aren't you?"
"Well, um..."
Rika just laughs. "I'll let you find out for yourself." She turns, still giggling, and skips away.
"Um... what was that supposed to mean?"
"I'm just a little hesitant, that's all. Rika-chan's the narrator in the first episode, then all of a sudden it's me again? Don't you think the audience might get a bit confused?"
Darkling sighs as he and Taka look over the next chapter's script together. "Look, Taka, it has to be done this way. There's no way that Rika could possibly spout off all that exposition without looking stupid – that's what I've got you for."
"You're not paying me narrator's rates," Taka says, shrewdly.
"I'll make it up to you," Darkling says. "What do you want?"
"Well, I just got a look at that Rika-chan when I came on set today. Now she's got some—" He leans closer and whispers in Darkling's ear.
"I guess so," Darkling says, dismissively. "I really hadn't noticed."
"Well, let me tell you, she does," Taka says. "Now, I'd be willing to do your two episodes' narration if you could write something in for me..."
Darkling just looks at Taka, blinking slowly. "What did you have in mind?"
Kana is propped up in the hospital bed, looking out the window at the painted canvas backdrop. She turns her head as Taka approaches her hesitantly. Her eyes are heavy-lidded, and her movements are slow and feeble.
She smiles, tenderly.
"Ta-chan," she says, weakly, as Taka sits down by the bed and takes her hand. "What... what happened to me?"
Taka leans closer to her. "How much do you remember?"
Kana's brow furrows slightly. "I remember... I remember... God, your breath still stinks! I remember that much! Would it kill you to use a little mouthwash now and then? Chew gum or something? Honestly, if I weren't on contract..."
"Cut!" Darkling barks, tiredly.
"Yes, I'm the star of the fanfic," Kana says, tossing her hair back casually. A little caption appears in the bottom right corner of the screen: Kana Todo. Another caption starts fading in beneath it, but pauses, as if hesitating, then fades off screen again. It seemed to read Queen Bitch. "You can't have a Kana fanfic without Kana, after all."
"I see," Yumi says, non-committally. "Tell us about your relationship with Darkling."
"Oh, hush," Kana says, laughing politely. "A lady doesn't talk about that kind of thing."
"Yes, but what does that have to do with you?"
Kana's eyes narrow. "Was there a point to this interview, Yumi?"
"Never mind. Tell us about the girls – Rika and Sara-chan."
Bringing her hands to her chest, Kana sighs deeply. "It's so encouraging to see the younger generation of actors making their start in the field, even if it is in shitty little fanfics like this one. I feel that it falls to me to guide and educate them, since I'm so much more experienced and talented than they are."
"And modest, too."
"Why, yes." Kana smiles at the camera, sweetly. "I wasn't going to mention that, but thank you, Yumi. I had no idea you cared."
"Me either, to tell you the truth."
"And... action!"
"Otousan!" Sara-chan comes running into the room, her little legs pumping furiously. Preoccupied with making sure she doesn't trip over the cable, she throws herself at Taka, but misses her mark. The loud thunk her head makes against the edge of the dining table is quite solid (and painful) sounding.
"Sara! Sara-chan!" Taka and Rika leap to their feet as crew members gather around her, concerned.
"Cut!" Darkling screams, exasperated.
"Sensei made us write essays," Sara-chan says, reaching into her satchel. She pulls out an exercise book and waves it happily in Kana's direction.
"So... what did you come up with?" Kana asks, gently.
Sara-chan looks up at her for a moment, then turns to the camera, confused.
"Sara-chan?" Kana prompts.
"Um... that wasn't what your line is," Sara-chan says. "It's supposed to be 'And what did you write?', not 'So what did you come—'"
"Shush up, Sara-chan. Dear. Do I look like I need acting lessons?"
Sara-chan just blinks up at her with her large violet eyes. "Um... yes?"
Kana just purses her lips, forcing a smile. "Mom was right," she mutters to herself. "Never work with kids, or anyone whose tits are bigger than yours." She turns, glaring directly at the camera. "Yes, that does mean you, bitch-face."
Taka and Rika-chan are sitting at the dining table on the apartment set, rehearsing their next scene.
"Rika," he says, looking across at her and bringing a hand up to her cheek. "Rika, you're tired. Go to bed. I'll clean up tonight..."
The two actors pause, waiting for confirmation.
"Looks good to me," Darkling says, from the director's chair. "Okay, everyone, places. I want Camera A covering the two-shot, with B and C going in for close-ups. Make-up and wardrobe, ASAP. I'd like to get this in one take, if possi— What is it, Sara-chan?"
He looks down at Sara-chan, who's tugging at his trouser leg and looking up at him anxiously.
"Um, should he be rubbing her like that?" Sara-chan asks, pointing to Taka and Rika, sitting side by side at the table. "Is her leg sore?"
The camera abruptly zooms in on Taka's hand, which is surreptitiously stroking Rika's thigh under the table. A low rumbling growl comes from off-camera as Darkling stomps onto the set.
"New setup, Taka," he says, as the two actors pull apart, Rika's cheeks flushed faintly pink. "Rika's going to be sitting across the table from you."
Taka looks up, wounded. "But you said—"
"Never mind what I said!" Darkling jerks his thumb in the direction of the camera, and Taka looks up, taken aback. "Get it?"
"Oh," Taka says, with a guilty little smile. He waves to the camera, which starts to shake ever so slightly.
It's between takes on the hospital set, and Kana is sitting on the bed with Sara-chan, passing time. The tension over Sara-chan's line correction seems to have been defused.
"So you've been enjoying your time on my set so far, Sara-chan?" Kana asks, indulgently.
"Oh, yes!" Sara-chan nods. "You make me feel a lot better about my acting skills!"
"I'm glad," Kana says, modestly. "And I'm not just an actress, you know, Sara-chan. I'm a singer as well."
"Oh, I know! My mom has your special sound album. She loves it! She plays it all the time while she's gardening!"
"Really?" Kana beams.
"Oh, yes!" Sara-chan nods. "She says it keeps birds away from her vegetable patch like nothing else!"
Kana just keeps smiling down at Sara-chan, though her right eyelid has started twitching uncontrollably.
"And... action!"
"Otousan!" Sara-chan comes running into the room, her little legs pumping furiously. She leaps gracefully over the taped-down cable and hits her mark – a bright red X on the floor – precisely on cue. She hurls herself into Taka's arms, a little too vigorously.
The towel comes loose, unravelling and falling to the tatami. Taka sits there with a naked little girl in his lap, and turns bright red.
"You... you baka!" The camera falls to the floor and we view the action sideways as Yumi runs into the shot, proceeding to smack Taka about the head quite vigorously.
"How long do you think you can keep bluffing the audience like this?"
"What do you mean?"
Kana and Darkling are sitting on the apartment bedroom set, which is currently dressed as Taka's room. Kana is wearing her white hospital pyjamas, and Darkling is wearing something shapeless and black.
"I mean this." Kana holds up the script for chapter 5, and elbows Darkling playfully. "No-one's buying it, you know. No-one's ever going to believe that you're really going to kill me."
Darkling just grins to himself. "What can I say? I like to tease."
"So will chapter 6 be the one where my miracle cure comes along?" Kana brightens. "Will it be Yuta? God, he'd look so hot in a power suit... even with the ageing makeup. He could come to me at my bedside and we could have a heartfelt reunion. 'Oh, Yuta, I knew you'd come back to me...' 'How could I stay away from you, Kana? You're so beautiful and so kind.' 'Yes, I know. I can't help it.' 'Come away with me, Kana. I'm rich and good looking...' Ohhh..." Kana closes her eyes, sighing blissfully. "Is it going to happen like that?"
Darkling covers his mouth with his hand to hide his grin. "Uh... sure, Kana. It's going to happen just like that."
"Ahh." Kana wraps her arms around herself tightly. "Oh, I can hardly wait..."
"Okaasan!" Sara-chan scrambles up onto the bed, kicking her short legs, and hugs Kana tight. Kana just lies there limply as Sara's thin arms wrap around her neck and Sara cries into Kana's hair.
The camera quickly pans to Darkling, who is sitting in the director's chair and pretending not to cry.
"Remember..." Kana says, weakly, in Sara-chan's ear. "Remember... that Okaasan... loves y— Oh my God!" She sits bolt upright in the bed. Surprised, Sara-chan loses her grip and slides off the bed, falling onto the tiled floor. "She drooled on me!" Kana screams, jumping out of the bed and swiping frantically at her neck. "The little bitch drooled on me! Oh God, her nose was running too! There's snot on me! Do you hear me? There's snot on me!"
One corner of Kana's mouth twitches as she tries to smile. Taka does his best to smile back at her, but it's forced and strained. He leans closer.
"I love you, Kana," he whispers. "You... you don't have to stay anymore. You... you don't need to hurt—" He breaks off, choking.
The camera pans over to Kana. About a minute passes, in silence.
Darkling stirs, restlessly. "Kana?"
"I'm not saying it," Kana says, stubbornly.
"For fuck's sake, Kana, it's your final line!"
"I know," Kana says, still lying there motionless. "That's why I'm not saying it."
"Fine," Darkling says, climbing to his feet. "We'll cut that line out of the chapter. Lunch, everyone! Back here in an hour for the 'Rika crying' inserts! Someone get Security in to escort Kana off the stage. Thank y—"
"Um, now, let's not be hasty!" Kana protests, sitting up. "Come on. Darkling? Honey—?"
Darkling's office is small and cramped, filled with bishoujo games and tissue boxes. On his computer screen, little Kanas of all ages chase each other across a montage of scenes from the game, squealing 'Oniichan! Oniichan!' while the music box version of For You plays in the background.
Kana sits in the chair in front of Darkling's desk, looking at the screensaver with a strange mixture of bemusement and deep disgust. "You know, sometimes you scare even me," she remarks.
Darkling reaches out and jiggles the mouse, shifting uncomfortably. The Kana screensaver vanishes. "You had something you wanted to say?" he asks, gruffly.
"Yes." Kana leans forward, indignantly. "I can't believe you did it! You got me and Taka back together – despite how disgusted I was at the entire affair, let me remind you. You even shoved bitch-face Yumi in there just to steal some of my spotlight, and... and then... and then you killed me!"
"And it was the second most anticipated event in Kana fandom," Darkling points out.
"What, you mean after the actual game release?" Kana asks, pulling back and looking confused.
"Exactly." Darkling folds his arms, looking smug.
"So more people were looking forward to it than the Xbox release?" Kana asks.
Darkling's satisfied expression cracks a bit. "Well, um... third most anticipated event in Kana fandom," he amends, smoothly.
"So it was more anticipated than the special sound album?" Kana persists.
"Erm... well... not more anticipated, as such..." Darkling hedges.
"Shall we go for 'fourth most anticipated event'?" Kana suggests, mock-sweetly.
"I'm not listening to you anymore," Darkling grumbles.
"Well, yes, we're all sorry to see her go," Taka says, as Darkling and Kana stand off in the background, glaring at each other. The little caption fades up, reading Taka Todo. Again, a smaller caption starts to appear underneath it, reading Lolicon Scumbag, but then it quickly fades away as if it were just a passing thought.
"I've heard she can be... difficult to work with," Yumi's voice says, diplomatically.
Taka considers. "Well, it's true that we've had our differences, and more than a few questions, but it's all about learning to live with each other. After all, in the eyes of the he—"
"Standard guild rates?" Kana shrieks, in the background. Taka cranes his neck to look over his shoulder at Darkling and Kana, and the camera pans to focus on the confrontation. "I haven't been paid standard guild rates since I was fourteen! I don't need this! I don't need your pathetic little 'one-offs'! I don't have to go looking for work – work will come looking for me! I'm an actress, for God's sake! I can stretch beyond 'Taka's shy and pretty imouto-chan'! Just watch me! I can play 'hard-ass bitch'! I can play 'sleazy bar girl'! I can play 'teenage prostitute'! Hey, it worked for Jodie Foster!"
"And can you play 'arrogant self-absorbed diva'?" Darkling screams back.
"They get along so well," Taka says, sitting back in his chair. "Honestly, he's welcome to her."
"Stop it!"
Rika flinches at Taka's harsh words, and lowers her gaze, tears welling in her eyes.
"Kana, please, stop it," Taka whispers. "No more games. I... I don't know why you..." He chokes on a sob. "I've missed you," he whimpers. "You haven't been here. I thought you were cold. And now... and now you're back, and you just want to play stupid games... Kana, I..." He's crying now. Rika looks up at him helplessly, clinging to his hand. Her eyes dart around, frantically.
"Okay..." Darkling says, from off-camera. "And... cue Kana voice-over. Now."
Silence.
"Cue Kana voice-over," Darkling says, again.
"I'm not doing it."
"What?" The camera whirls around to find Darkling climbing out of the director's chair, then hastily falls in step behind him as he stalks to the voice-over booth in the corner. Inside the booth, holding her script and wearing headphones, Kana looks up at him.
"I'm dead," she tells him, pouting. "I can't talk. I'm dead."
"Security!" Darkling snaps.
"She's gone psycho, that's all there is to it. She came onto the set this morning wearing Sara-chan's wardrobe and tried to convince me she was Sara-chan..."
"Well, stick her in a towel, and you're all set," Taka suggests. "And it'd certainly be a step in the right direction..."
Darkling looks at Taka shrewdly. "I sense dissatisfaction, Taka."
"Well," Taka hedges, "all I'm saying is that the fanfic's been a bit light on ero scenes this time around. I think... Well, I'm worried we're not giving the fans what they want..."
"There was that flashback scene on the Osaka apartment set," Darkling points out.
"You call that an ero scene?" Taka asks, indignantly. "Was there sweat-licking? Nooo! Was there anything remotely resembling a kinky position? I think not!"
"Oh, come on, Taka, it had to be tasteful. And I put in that whole 'groping Rika' scene to make up for it, when you asked me to..."
"Well, yes, about that. What say in the next fanfic, we crank that up a b—" Taka suddenly notices the camera, and smiles nervously. "Oh. Hi, darling! I... I didn't see you there. Darkling and I were just... having a little chat. Heh." He picks himself up hastily and walks away, a little too fast.
"I'll do anything..." Rika whispers, not looking at Watanabe. "Otousan needs my help."
"I see," Watanabe says, seriously, reaching out to touch Rika's blouse, looking carefully at her face. The camera zooms in on Rika's chest.
"And... cut! Good take. Bring in the body double."
As Rika grins and skips out of frame, another, slightly taller actor comes in to take her place. Watanabe reaches out to tug at her blouse—
"Kana?" Darkling's voice asks, suspiciously.
The camera pans up to find Kana standing there in Rika's costume.
"What?" Kana asks, defensively. "I can be Rika-chan's stand-in. Hell, it's not as if her little tits are any bigger than mine! See?" She pulls the blouse open, proudly displaying her small white breasts.
Darkling says something aggressive sounding, consisting mainly of bleeps.
"'Rika goes to Watanabe's apartment. Kana gets naked.' It's in the script!" Kana protests.
Darkling says something inaudible, and Kana just arches an eyebrow in his direction.
"Oh, like you don't wish it was!"
"Security!"
"No, no, wait—!" Kana protests as two burly security guards come in and grab her by the elbows. "I'll do your fucking one-offs! Anything! Aww, come on... what about old times' sake...?"
The camera pans back to Darkling, who's sitting there with his head buried in his hands. "Actors," he moans, softly. "I knew I should've been a dentist."
Rika stands in the doorway of the bedroom set, looking at Taka and Sara-chan wistfully. She smiles briefly, bringing her hand up to touch her hair.
Sara-chan's eyes flare open, and she scrambles out of the bed, squealing. "Mommy! Mommy! He touched my ass!"
"Sa–Sara-chan?" Taka gasps, sitting up. "I thought we agreed you wouldn't tell anyone—" He pauses, freezing, as Rika steps into the room, glaring at him.
"You what?" Rika asks, venomously. "You told me I was the only one for you!"
Taka grins, feebly, looking from Sara-chan to Rika, and then to the camera. His smile starts to slip. "Um, well..."
"You probably can't get me a role in Pokémon, can you?" Rika demands.
"Well, I do have a cousin who knows a guy who watches it..."
"See if I ever let you feel me up again!" Rika screams, grabbing a pillow and beating Taka about the head with it.
"You... what?" Yumi's voice shrieks, rising in pitch and volume. "Why, you...!" The camera swings around to show Yumi's feet as they run across the tatami, then the view swings wildly again and again, each swing accompanied by the hollow thunk of the camera case hitting Taka's head. Hard.
"And Kana? What's it like working with her?"
"Kana-san?" Sara-chan asks, sitting on the hospital bed and swinging her short legs back and forth. "I like her a lot. I've learned a lot from her, about acting and about 'career choices'. I really admire her. I'd really like to be like her one day." She looks directly into the camera, smiling sweetly, her violet eyes shining with sincere admiration.
"And... cut! Good take, Sara-chan! And Kana said you weren't much of an actor..."
Sara-chan just grins, holding up two fingers in a V-sign.
"From the set of Blinding White, this is Yumi Kashima, wishing the very best to all our faithful viewers. Good night!"
The screen fades to black.